I have made these commitments to my art, my writing, my craft, my sons and their very real and necessary needs to thrive in this world.
I have made these commitments of time in several aspects and routines and cannot really be concerned with how other people think of me, or why. I go to sleep at night with an avalanche of things wanting and needing my attention and prioritizing becomes an art form all on its own.
Organic. This is what I like to call how I string things together. One thing attaches to so many other things, and if it is meant to be, to grow, it will do so. Things you cannot stop doing or thinking about, these things that keep your attention but there is a difference to what they make you feel like.
As an energy worker, I FEEL my life and I FEEL other people's lives...always in the thoughts of "How would I FEEL if this were happening to me?" Or worse, how do I avoid feeling what is happening right now...
I FEEL the energy of everyone, of everything. I read between the lines so much that I can sometimes not hear what is being said in words. My thoughts and feelings prevail and it can be dangerous, for me especially, because I am extremely empathic I take on the thoughts and feelings of others and being around mentally unstable and unhealthy minds deeply affects me, and saddens me.
Someone said something to me the other day, and it was just one word but it was a word that I needed to hear and recognize as something that was not resonating with who I am currently trying to be. Something that does not serve me, nor will it ever serve me and I recognize it as something that goes along with lifelong tendencies to try to get my point across passively instead of directly. Often I do this to avoid hurting feelings of both myself and the other person, but on this particular day it made me feel outdated and unproductive. As an energy worker and observer, this one word had the power to say much more than its mundane meaning of being just an ordinary word. It made me take it and frame it in my mind as something I didn't want to do anymore, something that seems cowardly to me at this point.
And I am too strong for that. Even on my weakest day, on my unbalanced day, on a painful day.
Moving forward now, and leaving that gratefully framed in my mind, I am choosing my path to momentum and peace and if that means isolation and introspection, it is the perfect time of year for that.
In gratitude, I learn.
In silence, I speak.
In thanks, I listen.